OLD SCHOOL HIPSTER OF THE MONTH

Another new segment of GOT MOVE!!!
In this new segment, we will be high-lighting an 'Old School Hipster".
What is an "Old School Hipster" you ask?
These are the people that define cool, people that are "sick", they have more hipsterness than you and I could ever imagine having. And the deserve respect.
I'd like to take a moment to introduce our very first Hipster, he is the very first member inducted into the Hipest Hipster Hall of Fame, back in 2002.
It is my pleasure to present my Father, Jim "The Godfather of hip" Chaney.
This cat is so friggin cool, he see's his breath in the middle of August. Before he moved to the Artic Circle, it was a plush rain forest. Look up cool, and you'll find a velvet painting of him, go ahead, google it!! He's so dashing he has been banned from all the night clubs 'cause when he leaves, all the female customers leave with him. This badass Hipster could pick-up more chicks pushing a lawn mower, than we could driving a Bentley!!! He invented the wheel, introduced North America to fire, and won gold in the '72, '76, '80, & '84 Olympics for ice dancing with that stick and ribbon thing. He runs so fast, he received a diamond medal when he shattered the 40 yard dash by simply running to his ice event. He wasn't even competing!!
Men want to be him, women want to be with him, children want to be kicked by him.
He has his own theme song, available on 8-track, cassette, dvd, blu-ray, and recently on beta.
The movie Gladiator is based on his one summer at church band camp. The tv show "shit my dad says" is based on his stint in detention when he was in 5th grade.
His moustache was a stunt double for Ron Jeremy's back in all of his classic movies.
Godfather of Hip, we salute you, and all you've done for the world of cool!!!

'SCIENCE MOVE" OF THE MONTH

In our last "Scienc Move" segment, I revealed the infamous "chart Move", my sources tell me this Move has been retired and replaced by a new Move.
The new Move is called the "Really!?!" Move.
Here's how it is performed:
You just received a call that your son/daughter, mother/father or loved one was in a horrific accident. You rush to the hospital in a panic to find out if they will survived.
You are sent to the "Doctor" i charge, and his ruggedly handsome assistant.
In a frantis, desperate plea, you ask if "so & so" will ever be able to lead a normal life again.
As the "Dr." and assistant push away the fast food lunch on their desk, they group together, as if to console you, and instead, just give you this stare. A stare that says: "Really?!?. You have the balls to interrupt my lunch and break with your voice that quivers like a little bitch? What? You think I do this for the compassion and satisfaction of knowing I'm helping my fellow man?"
They will continue to stare like this,as long as it takes, until you leave, and find some one else that can help you.
Sometimes, they will be in this position, until quitt'in time.
My advice to you, do your own surgery, and reset bones that don't really matter.

HOT PIRATE MOVE

Another Hot Pirate Move installment!!
Prepare to be boarded!! Avast! Pull Me Mast! Me buried treasure is in me pocket.
She ain't Mov'in, but ye can bet your wooden leg I be Mov'in!!!!

BAD MOVE OF THE WEEK

Our "Bad Move Of The Week" is brought to you by none other than me, and it has a bit of a twist this week. Instead of a bad Move, as in what was that idiot thinking, this is a bad Move as in, I wish I could be that cat. That macho dude is the coolest ever. I wish he were my son. He should be a King os something. All of these thoughts would be 100% accurate.
This is what I call the "Horizontal Bop" Move, that has taken years to perfect.
I do cut a mean rug, and have won many dance competitions over the course of my career. I have stated many times that i have "so many moves, I don't even know them all". (see dance afficionado magazine aug. 2006)
I saw a "hack" varation of this while on holiday in the south of France in late 2008, and just knew only I could pull it off.
After years of injury and frustration, I have finally mastered the art of full frontal dance exposure, at it's finest. I can maintain a full 13.7228 seconds of frontal levitational bouyancy skimming, or floating for short.
I generally can attain an altitude, not to be mistaken with elevation, of 22 inches, or 1 foot 10 inches, or 55.9 centimeters for you Canadian folks.
I know what you're thinking, that dude's pretty damn impressive, I can not argue with that!!!

HOT PIRATE MOVE

Pirates be hot, but women pirates be hotter!
Avast ye scurvydogs, this be thee new Hot Pirate Move section.
Feast yer eyes upon these wenches Moves.
I be not caring what move thee be doin, But thar sure is a new sparkle in this seeman's eyes.
Thar she blows!!!!!

"SO CALLED SCIENCE" MOVE OF THE MONTH

This is a new addition to the Got Move Movement. Each month, we will post a "science" move from the world of x-raying. My personal opinion, x-raying is some sort of "mind control" project by the government. The "technicians" who perform the x-raying itself, Gustapo agents looking for a cheap thrill when I remove my clothes.
Pictured here is one of our members, Blackbush. He is "acting" like he is in an intense conversation with the Dr. A conversation that could possible save someone's life. That's the move, and a damn good one at that.
Let's dig deeper for the answwer to this move.
Picture this, A DR. and x-ray "technician", walking thru the corridors of the hospital. As they walk, they are happy as clams, giggling over last weekends sexcapades. When suddenly, a hysterical patrone, seeking out the condition of a loved one approaches the two.
Immediately, the Dr. & x-ray "technician" pull an x-ray out of their ass, and act as though thet are saving the world. The hysterical patrone, who is told to "ssshhhh" by the Dr,. continues on to the next available "non-busy" attendant.
The Dr. & x-ray "technician", like a flipped light switch, continue their "weekend" conversation, exactly where they left off. Never missed a beat.
Works everytime. This is "sweet" perfection, and on one does it better the Blackbush.

STUPID ATTEMPT AT INJUN MOVE WINNER

What we have here is a Stupid Attempt At An Injun Move, by Indians!!!
Sounds a little ironic, don't ya think?
Let me explain. As you can see, Nacoma and Iron Eyes Cody have traveled all the way to Washington D.C.
They have made this journey in an attempt to right the wrongs the white man has done to the Native Americans.
Like that's gonna happen!!
They are holding the treatys their ancestors have signed, yet the American government has not followed. Sound familiar?
Nacoma & Iron Eyes Cody might as well get back in their birch bark canoe, paddle down to the Trail of Tears, jump on their ponys, and high tail it back to the casino that was built on sacred burial grounds. Smoking a peace pipe will certainly ease their pain.
Congrats Nacome & Iron Eyes, your prize of a case of fire water and shiny butt beads is being expressed via stagecoach as we speak.

STUPID ATTEMPT AT INJUN MOVE WINNER

Here is Mr. Hillary Clinton performing a stupid attempt at an Injun Move.
This is one of her many signatures Moves, that she always seems to use at the wrong time.
In this particular photo, she has one hand on the bible, (so we know she's telling the truth)and the other hand is performing the age old "How" Move.
The peculiar thing about this Move is, she's using as she is swearing that she IS a woman!!! Note the laugh on her ugly mug, and one eye is open more than the other. This eye Movement indicates to me that she is winking, in jest that she IS NOT really a woman at all!!
You gotta give her credit though, an Indian Move,the eye Move and the mouth stretching, all in one swoop, a triple move, or the "Ménage à trois Move" of Moves.
I salute you Mr. Hillary, you go girl!?!

MACUSHI INDIAN MOVE

My South American Indian friend Ayita, has sent me a nice photo of himself.
Ayita is a name from the Macushi language, although many believe it means "first dancer", or "first to dance" in Cherokee, this is not true.
It actually means "Don't look at me, I'm naked".
Although he is not producing his signature "Move" in the photo, I decided to show it anyway. Ayita, is PREPARING to execute his signature Move.
He has named his signature Move 'It's Gonna Hurt'.
As you can see, he is doing routine maintenance to his sharp stick, or "spear".
Ayita attaches feathers from local birds that are nearly extinct, by doing this it keeps "vital organs" from globbing up on the pointed end of the "spear".
In a very friendly fashion, Ayita will approach a foe, act as though he is about to merrily greet the foe, and at the last possible second, he jabs the "spear" into the abdominal area, next to the spleen and near the pancreatic arteries.
This always results in a fist full of hilarity, and permanent injury, usually ending in death.
I am proud to say that GOT MOVE has gone international!!!

BAD MOVE OF THE WEEK

This week was a pretty slow week for "Bad Moves", so I had to take matters into my own hands.
My friend Gern Blansten, was expecting an important phone call from the hospital, to find out if his children would survive the school bus accident form the day before.
I was trying to "lighten" his somber mood, so I innocently "polished" the top 4 steps with baby oil.
I then called the house on my cell, and yelled to Gern, "Hey good friend, it's the hospital calling".
As he headed down the stairs at full steam, his feet slid out from under him as though they had a mind of there own. Head-long down he goes!!! What a sight, I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard, maybe it was when his wife punctured her lung in a freak sword swallowing exibition, I'm not sure.
Anyhow, he landed like a fat man doing a bellyflop in a pool full of jello.
He struck the small table at the bottom, toppling the urn containing the remains of his beloved mother, who past away from natural causes when I absent mindedly left her in my idleing car in the garage while I mowed the back yard.
Gern couldn't make it to the phone, he was a bit loopy, so I spoke with the Dr.
The Dr. wouldn't give me any info since I was not "family" I asked the Dr. to talk to Gern's father, who was also in the hospital, with complications due to some sort of flesh wound. Could have happend when I nearly succesfully attempted to pierce an apple with my "scratch built" bow and arrow from atop his bald and liver spotted head, while he was sleeping in his iron lung.
Well, nobody ever called me back. I guess I can find out when I visit Gern in the hospital, if I can ever find the time to go.