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Win place or show, not a good bet.

TRUE AMERICAN GRAND POUBAR

Listen up my fellow MOVER'S, here's is your chance to become an instant celebrity!!!!
F American Idol, F You Think You Can Dance, and F U Kim Kardashian!!!
Fellow MOVERS, your talent is like a size 15 up the ass of Paula Abdul. Your talent is like a sore dick, you just can't beat it.
We will be holding audutions for our new reality show "TRUE AMERICAN GRAND POUBAR".
It's the grandest of shows, (hence the name) showcasing your best move in a dangerous situation.
Guy walks in to a bar brandishing a deadly weapon, he's looking right at you and he's pissed. You think ultra fast, shove the pretty brunette off her stool and into the line of fire. You turn pivoting on your left heel, and make for the back door to safety. There's your MOVE, and possibly a big time contract with a Hollywood agent.
You will be competing against other like minded individuals, who also have MOVE'D in a dangerous situation. Each week, you will be judged by MOVER'S with way more talant than you'll ever have, Blackbush and myself will be setting in our diamond tucked thrones, telling you why you suck so F'in bad.
As you are eliminated, you will be escorted to the pit of doom, a murky leech infest cest-pool, bottom lined with 48" chrome steel Alaskan bear traps laced with poisoned darts from the Chkallkawa tribe, flown in especially for the show from the little village of Tampon, in S.Vietnam.
The climax of the show, will be a head to head to head full on comp, you against me & Blackbush in all our splendid glory!!! Good luck you sorry little bastards!!!!
Auditions will be held every Sunday of June, 2011, at "THE BUSH'S" house. Don't bother knocking, just walk in like you own the damn place, beer is in the fridge.
You will be contacted by telegraph, so brush up on your skills finger boy!!
Happy MOVING pheasants, see you at the chopping block

"LOOK AT ME I'M THE GAYEST EVER" MOVE

Even gays say: "Now that' gay!!!"
I took this photo, when I first met Black Bush at the Special Olympics.
This was the competition the Black Bush was eliminated from. Well not officialy eliminated, cause all the participants are winners,(yea right) I believe Bush took home a burlap trophy.
Anyhow, This frilly little Olympian actually cut a pretty mean rug. He was on fire, moving at a blistering pace never reached by a full-blown retard since the games began. Dancing with the stick thingy to the classic tune "Maniac" from that stupid welding movie. He blew away the competition, during and after his performance.
I had a chance to speak with the energetic fellow following his acceptance speech.
His name is Art Vandelay, sound familiar? He is an architect from New York, loves to eat at Monks Diner, as is a ahuge fan of Kenny Roger's Roasted chicken. He doesn't eat the chicken, just a big fan.
So I asked why he chose this "sport" to pursue. He tells me, in his own words:
Well I hear the music, close my eyes, feel the rhythm
Wrap around, take a hold of my heart
What a feeling, bein's believin'
I can't have it all, now I'm dancin' for my life
Take your passion, and make it happen
Pictures come alive, you can dance right through your life

After I took another hit of what he was smokin, I truly began to understand the mind of a stick thingy dancer. The gracefulness, floating movements, athletic supporter pinching at my loins, and the extreme danger of running with a sharp stick!!!! I really feel....ALIVE!!! Michael Flatley you can kiss my Native American red ass!!
Art Vandelay, you and your "Stick-thingy" MOVE have made it to signature MOVE status.
We salute you.

"I GOTCHA" MOVE

I gotta by honest with you guys (most of the time), I lied to you.
The Super Bowl MOVE pics I posted were fakes. The 2 super cool dudes are not Black Bush and myself. You can get mad if you want, I really don't give an "F".
That's the beauty of being a part of the MOVE COALITION ORGANIZATION. You can lie, and say it was a "MOVE".
This is what I call the "I gotcha MOVE".
So here's the deal, the founding members of the MOVE Coalition are not as success in life as you have been led to believe. We are simple people living a simple life.
I met Black Bush back in '92 at the Special Olympics. He was competing and I was picking up chicks. We hit it off pretty good and became buddies.
I got him a nice little place 2 doors down from me at the trailer park, and hired him as my "deputy" security officer. We pretty much keep the peace in our trailer park, make sure everyone is following the "TOA".
This picture is the real "us". I'm on the left, Black Bush is on the right, and the dude in the middle is our little bitch.
I will not apologize for lying to you early, 'cause that's how we roll.

SUPER BOWL MOVE

Alright already, alot of you followers have ask me to reveal the true identity of Blackbush, and myself.
I do believe that it is time to finally let you know who you're dealing with here. After all, we are the masters of the MOVE.
Blackbush and I watched the super bowl at his lovely home, that's me on the right. Our two beautiful "wenches were busy in the "scrapbooking" room, aka underwear pillow fight!!!! YEA BABY YEA!!!
Now Blackbush is a pretty allright guy, but I gotta tell ya, he can't cook to save his life. When I got there all he was serving was citrus and some dried up wafer cracker. I think he was worried about me getting scurvy or something.
I pushed him out of the kitchen, or galley as he calls it, and whipped us up a couple bowls of pourage. He complaind that his was too hot, although mine was just right. When I told him to shut his cake hole, he got all bent and came back with "Get out of my face, or I'm gonna roundhouse your ass!"
I don't know where that came from, but I couldn't let him get a way with it, so I replied " I'm going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!"
Blackbush: "Did we just become best friends?"
Me: Yep! Do you wanna do karate in the garage?
Blackbush: Yep!
And so the GOT MOVE legends were born!!

PUSSY WHIP MOVE OF THE MONTH

This is a move no one should be proud of.
National television, fist feeding your significant other hot buttered popcorn.
Thank god they weren't snacking on cocktail wienies.
Now you may think this is a sweet, heartfelt MOVE, I call Bullshit on this one.
All I see is a desperate attempt at affection, from a women the media tells us is beautiful. An ugly gutter slut, moving her way up the celebrity "fuck ladder". This Move puts this ugly battle axe on fuck ladder rung #2.

THE "I'M SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF" MOVE.

Hands down, this inaugeral award has to go to our very own GOT MOVE Alumni, Blackbush.
Black bush and I recently competed in a local RC rock crawling event.
There was this little kid there, still in diapers, that was competing.
Now don't get me wrong, I love kids just as much as the next guy, but was this hunk a butter was one ugly mambajamba!!!
Any how, this little kid went one to completly and totally spank Blackbush in the crawling comp.
Blackbush of course does not believe he lost to the niblet, but the scores do not lie.
I on the other hand, went on to dominate the competition, and took home the 8 foot solid gold trophy. I actually had to rent a trailer to get this thing home.
I plan on donating it to the 4 wheel drive hall of fame, next to the booth that is dedicated to me.